Trip to the Surgeon

I saw the surgeon yesterday to see about my gallbladder issues and he told me that in the absence of pain he did not believe that my gallbladder was the cause of my problems. Part of me was disappointed because I cannot deal with having this debilitating nausea with no cause and no effective way of treating it. I’d actually would be willing to have an organ taken out of my body if this would mean an end to this misery!

He mentioned that sometimes diabetics have trouble emptying their stomach which could definitely be a cause of my nausea. Actually thrilled to have somewhere else to turn, I looked this up on my smartphone on the way home but just like a gallbladder diagnosis, I did not have enough symptoms to indicate it.

I saw my endocrinologist too and was given a clean bill of health with my diabetic issues.

Today I was on Pinterest and I came upon a post that said something like “5 Symptoms You Didn’t Know Were Linked to Fibromyalgia”. I have been in remission with Fibro but I clicked on it and one of the lesser known symptoms was sweating. Then I just started googling all of my symptoms with Fibromyalgia and every one of them linked back to Fibro, including symptoms that I had chalked up to medication side effects such as dry mouth and hand tremors and even a low-grade fever.

I am some what excited about this being a possibility but I don’t see my Rheumatologist until the beginning of March so I can’t confirm it. Then I got depressed because there’s not a whole lot of treatment out there for Fibro and I pictured myself being nauseous forever and it wasn’t pretty. I cannot take a lot of the medications for nausea because they interact with my mental health medications and the one I am on now takes a long time to work and makes me tired.

My house is a wreck and I can’t do much with Tyler. Jacques waits on me hand and foot but he can’t do everything. Tonight is Bingo night at Tyler’s school and I am praying that I feel well enough to go. I hate disappointing him but sad to say he is used to it and still tells me I’m the best mom in the world. But I wonder if he will resent it when he grows up? There was a time in Tyler’s life when I felt pretty good but he was too young to remember it.

Part of me says I should be grateful because I’ve certainly been sicker than this with the pain from Lupus and the mental illnesses. But for my son, I just want to be better.

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My Little Brony

If you’re looking for New Year’s Resolutions, you’re not going to find them here!

I’m not sure when my nine year old son and I started watching My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic on Netflix. The show differs from past generations is that it shows how important friendship is and moves away from the “girlie” personas the previous generations portrayed, showing girls that they can be anything.

But the show has become more than a show for little girls. It has developed a cult following among male teenagers and young adults who call themselves Bronies. At the last “Bronycon” there were over 10,000 attendees. There were stuffed animals, posters, pins and more, all to share the pony love. Girls/Women are also welcome and they are known as “Pegasisters”.

We went through the whole series and Tyler asked me not to tell his father that he was a fan. I kept the secret from Grant, wanting Tyler to be able to trust me, and it’s not like it was a serious secret!

Then Tyler got into everything “MLP”; reading comic books, books and watching the myriad of You Tube videos and websites dedicated to the show.

Finally, Tyler came clean with Grant. He is never comfortable keeping a secret from one of us. Grant was a bit mad that I kept the secret from him and he was a bit uncomfortable with our son being a possible Brony. (Personally, I think he is too young to be put into that category.)

He asked that I didn’t buy any toys for Tyler, but Tyler really wanted a two inch Derpy so I got him one for Christmas.

I’m not worried that Tyler’s love of “MLP” means that might mean he is a homosexual, nor would I love him any less if he was one. His favorite pony is Fluttershy who is shy and loves animals. Each of the ponies represent wholesome values and each show teaches friendship, kindness and compassion. What could be wrong with that?!

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Photo credit: denofgeek.us

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Health and Holiday Update

So I am still experiencing nausea with a low grade fever. You can also add to that periods of excessive sweating and mega thirst and urination. The thirst and urination could be blamed on high blood sugar, except my blood sugar levels are normal when I test them.

I went to see my Gastroenterologist and she said she didn’t think my gallstone could be causing my symptoms. She ran blood and urine tests which came back normal and she also ordered a HIDA scan which would test how my gallbladder was functioning. A few days later she called to say she was surprised to find anything wrong but my gallbladder was indeed functioning at a slower rate than normal. The normal range starts at 35 and mine was at a 24. She suggested I consult with a surgeon but she said, “I don’t know, it’s like 50/50 this is the cause of your symptoms”.

I see the surgeon mid-January but I also made appointments with my Rheumatologist and Gynecologist and will make one with an endocrinologist, leaving no stone unturned. I don’t want to have my gallbladder removed if it’s not the cause of my symptoms!

A lot of my symptoms can be explained by Lupus but I can’t get in to see my Rheumatologist until March! How can I live like this for that long, or even delay surgery that I might need? I will try to see if I can get in sooner on a cancellation.

I felt okay for Christmas and Tyler, Grant, Jacques and I were all able to have a good time. Tyler liked all of his gifts plus the cash we gave him. I guess he is getting to be that age! This was his first year that he didn’t believe in Santa Claus but he was still excited!

The next day I was sick as a dog. Tyler was very understanding but I don’t like him playing video games all day while I just lay in bed. I want him to have a decent winter break with fun things to do. If I feel well enough later today we are planning on going to a movie. Sometimes I feel okay but after a shower the nausea comes, maybe because I am upright and moving about, I don’t know.

If I don’t write again, hope you all have a Happy New Year!

Tyler with his favorite toy!

Tyler with his favorite toy!

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The Worst Gift I Ever Received

I am taking part today in Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop.

Prompt 4. Best or worst gift you’ve ever received.

It was the Christmas season of 1983, the year Cabbage Patch Kids were so hot people were fighting each other for them. I had just turned 13,
but I thought they were so cute and I wanted one and so did my best friend “Jennifer”. My parents knew I wanted one but were not so optimistic. They just weren’t the types to fight the crowds for a doll.

But one day under the tree there was a wrapped box that could easily have fit a Cabbage Patch Kid. Jennifer had a similar box under her tree too. “Your parents got you a Cabbage Patch Kid!, she said. I told her I wasn’t sure because my younger brother had a package similar in shape and size. “Maybe they got him one too!”

The guessing frenzy continued until Jennifer and I were convinced that the box held a doll. I could hardly wait until Christmas morning!

When the day arrived my brother and I saved our biggest boxes for last. I wondered what he or she would look like. We opened our gifts and they were…sleeping bags!Sleeping bags??? This made absolutely no sense because we weren’t even campers! I stonily thanked my parents for my presents.

Then the phone rang, it was Jennifer, screaming that she had received a boy Cabbage Patch Kid. She was describing him to me and smelling that sweet baby smell the dolls had back then. “Did you get one?”, she asked. I told her no and told her what I did receive. She told me she was sorry but she couldn’t help talking about her gift. The tears rolled down my face as she went on and on.

Looking back, I guess I felt that Jennifer’s parents loved her more because they were willing to do anything to make her Christmas wish come true. And I know I am the type to go crazy to get my child what he wants for Christmas.

It all seems kind of silly now. Eventually I would wind up with SEVEN Cabbage Patch Kids. Currently I am cleaning up some now and getting ready to donate them. Maybe I can make some little girl or boy happy this Christmas, even though it isn’t the hottest toy of the year!

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Photo credit: nameberry.com

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A Quote I Love

This post is in response to Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop.

Prompt 1. Share a quote you love.

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This quote is from a book by Kiersten White. It is in the fantasy genre which is not my taste but it does remind me of my relationship between my boyfriend, “Jacques”, and I.

My then-husband and I had moved to Ohio where he grew up because we knew our money would stretch longer here. In December of 2012 I decided that the severity of his mental illness was putting my child and I at risk and so we left. I had no car and while Tyler was at school I took a taxi to a travel lodge to move our stuff in. Leaning up against the wall close to my room was Jacques who asked if I wanted some help. I thought he was some kind of a creep trying to hit on me and I’d be damned if I was going to let a man in my motel room! I said no thank you and moved in myself.

While living there everyone from 18 to 70 hit on me. It seemed like a woman with a child and without a wedding ring was a license to move in for the kill. As I got to know Jacques (in the lobby and kitchen) it seemed like he was the only one who had no ulterior motive and that his offer to help me that day was totally genuine.

Tyler and I began to depend on Jacques more and more. We were without a car and trudged in the snow when we needed groceries or the drugstore. One day Tyler and I both got sick and Jacques drove us to the doctor’s and after that he always offered us a ride.

When I separated from my husband it was with the full intention that I would never date again, at least until Tyler was 18! When I realized that I was beginning to fall for Jacques I tried to deny it. It was too soon, I was on the rebound.

We began our relationship on New Year’s Eve and three years later we are still going strong.

This quote means a lot to me because if I didn’t move to Ohio or chose a different hotel, if Jacques was not at the hotel standing near my door, we would have never met. I had to go through a lot of bad times but it had to be this way for us to be together.

I have shown this quote to Jacques and am always sending him and showing him quotes about love but this one is my favorite.

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Nausea!

So, I’ve been nauseous since the beginning of September. I had a low grade fever and after a few days of being so sick I couldn’t stand up I went to the doctor. She diagnosed me with a stomach virus and said it would run it’s course. Two weeks later it was back, the same thing, with no nausea remedy working. The doctor prescribed a nausea medication but it takes forever to work and makes me sleep for hours.

And now it’s like this “virus” has never left. I’ve been through worse health wise but this is really interfering with my life. I missed Tyler singing at our town’s tree lighting ceremony last week, an event I’ll never get back. I’ve had to put off or miss going to see movies with him. I feel like I am a complete disappointment to him.

My doctor ordered an ultrasound which revealed a small stone in my gallbladder which could be the cause of my nausea. She recommended I see a surgeon to discuss having my gallbladder removed! As I am quite attached to my internal organs I scheduled an appointment with a Gastroenterologist. The first appointment was in February! I couldn’t live like this for that long so I called her office a couple of days later and they had a cancellation for this week. I see her Friday morning!

Have you ever had a gallstone? Did it cause you nausea? Do you feel like you are failing your children because you are ill?

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Having My Head Examined

I have been concerned for awhile about my memory. I don’t remember conversations that I had and if there is a pause in conversation for more that a few seconds I have completely lost the subject of the conversation. I forget words that are common and find myself saying, “I don’t remember” at least twice a day. I lose everything and more recently whomever is helping me look for the object is finding it in a different place than I remember putting it. For example, I was reading a book in bed and put the book down when I went to sleep. When I wanted to read it again I could not find it in my room. The book was found in the living room and I have no memory of moving it.

I explained my situation to my psychiatrist. A lot of what I am experiencing can be explained by depression but my grandmother had dementia (although older than me when she got it) and I do not want to overlook anything. She suggested I get a neuropsychiatric test which is a series of tests, some that include performing tasks, and are several hours long. It can help determine the reason, if medical, for my memory loss. The only problem is the first appointment I could get was April 6th, 2016! That’s a long time to be so clueless! Occasionally I will call and see if there have been any cancellations.

My doctor and I also talked about the disability update form I received. She told me, “We usually don’t see people like you coming off disability”. PEOPLE LIKE ME?!?! I do feel I am not prepared to go off disability but I had no idea how crazy I was!

If you have taken a neuropsychiatric test I would love to hear about it!

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Contest: Win the Book “How to Live Well With Chronic Pain and Illness”!

Toni Bernhard was a law professor for 22 years when she got sick in 2001 with what doctors termed an acute viral infection. She has never recovered from it.

In her third, brand new book, “How to Live Well With Chronic Pain and Illness”, Toni uses Buddhism-inspired teachings to help those with chronic illness and pain deal with career crises, relationship issues, and struggles with self-blame and isolation. Some of the chapters include “Skills to Help With Each Day”, “Mindfulness: Potent Medicine for Easing the Symptoms of Chronic Illness” and “For Family, Friends and Caregivers, and Anyone Concerned About Chronic Illness”.

And now, you can win a copy of “How to Live Well” from Mama Sick! The contest will run until Monday, November 16th at 11:59 p.m. and there are three ways to win:

1. Leave a comment.

2. Tweet out this contest and let me know you have done so by entering again and saying something like, “I tweeted out this contest”.

3. Put this contest on your Facebook page and let me know you have done so by entering again and saying something like, “I put this contest on my Facebook”.

Therefore, if you do all three, you will have three separate entries in my contest!

Please make sure you leave an email address, Twitter handle or website so I can contact you if you are the winner!

Good luck!

How to Live Well

Congratulations going out to Diana Guest! She was the winner of Toni Bernhard’s new book “How to Live Well With Chronic Pain and Illness”! If you are interested in getting Toni’s new book, visit her website for information on where to purchase it. Thanks to all who entered!

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Disability Update Report

The thing that has been causing me a lot of anxiety has come, my SSDI Update Report. It’s been three years since I won my disability case although I did not receive my benefits until March of the next year.

I truly feel that I still cannot work. I experience depression every day and am still having sleeping difficulties due to hypersomnia. I am convinced that working will be hard on me mentally and also believe that some of my physical problems have improved since being on disability.

I’ve been given a form asking me if I’ve been working, whether I have discussed with my doctors if I can return to work and if my health is the same, better or worse going back two years. They also want to know my hospitalizations and doctors’ visits. Then I just have to sign, date and give them my phone number.

I know that I cannot return to the career that I had prior to leaving work. It’s just too stressful and I worry that any job I get would actually have me making less money than what I am currently receiving.

So please send your prayers, good thoughts and vibes this way and I will keep you posted of the process. Also I would love to hear from anyone who has gone through a disability review.

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The Decision to Medicate Our Son

After thinking it over for over a month and seeking a second opinion Grant and I have decided to put Tyler on Zoloft. It’s a very small dosage, to be raised slowly until there is some improvement, and we have an appointment in about three weeks with the nurse practitioner to assess how Tyler is doing.

So far the only side effect Tyler has had are some occasional headaches. We are monitoring him closely for any suicidal thoughts or behaviors.

Research shows that antidepressants in conjunction with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy provides the best, quickest outcome. And I hate to watch my little boy suffer, to see him be afraid of everything, to hear him tell me about his scary obsessive thoughts, and the things he won’t tell me about.

I never thought I would medicate my child, at least until he was much older, but I truly believe the timing is right.

Any prayers or good thoughts for the medication and therapy to work are appreciated and I will keep you updated.

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