Mama Sick

Today is a special day for me. Five years ago I attempted suicide and I am celebrating that I wasn’t successful. I suffer from Bipolar Disorder, a disease that is characterized by extreme lows and extreme highs. The risk of suicide is high among those with manic-depressive illness; approximately 10-15% of people with a bipolar diagnosis complete suicide while many more attempt suicide unsuccessfully.

A lot of factors went into my suicide attempt. In 2011 I was on an antidepressant that my doctor was giving me free samples of because of the high cost of the drug. This went on for over a year and I was feeling well. Then the doctor ran out of samples. The co-pay for the drug was hundreds of dollars and I had no choice to go off of it. From there my mental health went downhill.

In December of 2011 I found out I was denied Disability (SSDI) and would have to go through an appeal process that would take over a year. I felt a sense of uselessness. I wasn’t bringing in any money to help support my family.

In 2012 my pain levels really kicked into high gear. I would go to the emergency room and was told that the best pain medicine I had was at home. I began experiencing sleepless nights because of the pain.

Throughout it all was the feeling that I couldn’t be the mother Tyler needed. I couldn’t support him, cook for him…play with him. I felt that Tyler would be better with another mother. He was five at the time and I thought he would barely remember me if I killed myself.

Luckily I was unsuccessful in my suicide attempt. I spent two weeks in the hospital but I wasn’t better. I was experiencing suicidal ideation, fantasizing about trying again and how I would do it. I realized that it was difficult to kill oneself but that didn’t stop me from wanting to.

In August, through a miracle, my depression and suicidal thoughts went away. I started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist who put me back on medicine. I began to get my life back.

If I could tell someone who is as low as I was anything, it would be that depression lies to you! I would have ruined Tyler’s and my husband’s life as well as my friends and other family. Depression tells you that everyone is better off without you but that isn’t true.

Today, five years later, is a day of mixed emotion for me. I am so thankful I survived my attempt but I am currently experiencing depression. However, I am not as low as I was and I hope never to be again. I see a therapist and a doctor. Tyler is the light of my life and helps me get through my days.

If you feel like striking up a conversation with me because you are having suicidal thoughts please feel free.

If you need someone more anonymous you can call The Suicide Prevention Hotline in the U.S. at 1-800-273-8255 or if you are in the UK, there are many numbers so you can go here. All of the hotlines are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

But don’t hide your thoughts. I have been where you are. Get help, speak up and speak out for suicide prevention.

Late last year my psychiatrist recommended that I up my dosage of one of my medicines. Pretty soon after I did this my scalp started to itch. I looked up the drug’s side effects and sure enough scratchy scalp was one of the side effects. I called my psychiatrist and told her what was going on. She was mystified because she had only increased my med, it wasn’t a new one, but she lowered my dosage anyway.

The scalp issues continued. The itching was driving me crazy! My doctor lowered my dosage even more.

Then I went to the salon to get a color and cut. The stylist said, “Ummm, you have bugs in your hair.” I was horrified and mortified! She gave me a number and directions to the local lice center which was conveniently located in my very own town.

I got on the chair and the owner started to check me out. He said, “Wow! You have the worst case of lice I’ve seen this season!” He said I had to have gotten it from Tyler. Grant brought Tyler in and sure enough he had it too although I was much worse.

They then recommended I have my house sprayed. $210 later and the both of us and the house were treated. The owner said we had to come back three to four times to get the lice completely out but I might need more treatments!

I learned that lice hits people of all economic backgrounds. There were some lovely little girls getting treatments.

I called Tyler’s friend’s dad to let him know that Tyler had lice and she had it too.

So it was just a coincidence that my scratchy scalp started at the same time I increased the dosage on my medicine.

Tyler and I are both lice free now and I hope we never have to deal with it again!

One of my many treatments!

(This is a sponsored product that I was given without cost. The opinions expressed are all my own.)

The Nebulizing Essential Oil Diffuser by Organic Aromas offers the most effective dispersal and the most complete rendering of both the natural scent and the therapeutic properties of 100% pure, organic essential oils on the market. This unique device is entirely safe, extremely quiet, makes no mess, requires no heat and does not use any water.

Using nothing but pressurized air and a combination of delicately hand-blown pyrex glass, this nebulizing diffuser works without the need to heat up the oils and without the need to add water to the diffuser.

When unboxing the Organic Aromas diffuser, I was met with a pleasant scent and a discount code for one of your friends or family for 15% off their next purchase. You can also receive discounts when you sign up on their website.

The diffuser comes with only a few parts; the base, the glass reservoir with micro-tubes, a glass cap, droppers for cleaning and a power socket.

Assembly is so easy (if I could do it anyone can)!

Insert the narrow end of the glass reservoir into the rubber grommet stopper on the wood base.

Add the pure essential oil into the bottom of the reservoir, only about 15 drops is needed. You will get lots of uses from the bottle they give you.

Put the glass cap onto the glass bottle.

Connect the power supply to the base and plug the power supply into a wall socket.

Turn on the switch at the bottom of the base in a clockwise direction. The switch can be adjusted from a lower output to a higher output.

As soon as I turned the diffuser on it began misting and then turning a variety of beautiful colors.

So not only do you get a nice scent you also get something that is beautiful and relaxing to look at! I liked how I was able to control the power of the scent. The scent smells great and depending on the setting can be used to scent a small room or a portion of a house.

The diffuser runs for two minutes and stops for one minute. After two hours the diffuser will turn off automatically. That’s good for me because I tend to have brain fog and forget about such things! I felt really safe using the Organic Aromas diffuser.

Cleaning is simple. It is recommended that you clean the diffuser reservoir once a week if you use it for two hours a day.

Remove the glass cap.

Use the dropper to add plain rubbing alcohol for cleaning the micro-tubes.

Turn on the power for five to ten minutes in order to clean up the micro-tubes.

When the diffuser is dry the cleanup is done.

There are more instructions for deep cleaning but they are equally as simple.

A variety of diffusers can be purchased here. More essential oils which include rosemary, lavender and ylang yang can be purchased here.

I really enjoyed this unique way to use essential oils to ease anxiety, improve depression, stress and even provide relaxing visual stimulation.

Organic Aromas is a definite winner with me!

This blogger is asking for your help. She is not asking for money, she is only asking that you take a look at her book, and if you find it interesting, to please buy it. Her story really got to me. I’m “out” too until my next disability check but luckily I have a boyfriend and even an ex-husband whom I can turn to. Her story shows me that someone always has it worse than I do.

I’m out. Of money, that is. It’s official. I went to the grocery store today to pick up some essentials and I got the dreaded “Insufficient Funds” screen on the debit machine. Though it’s killing me to do so, I’d like to ask a favor.

If you haven’t already, please buy my book. If you have, or if you have a friend who might like it, please direct them to it. Reblog, share on social media, have a parade down the main street of your town or city, whatever it is you normally do to get attention. If I can get to $100 in royalties, Amazon will pay me next month – they hold smaller amounts.

Blog continues here.

Book Cover For Linda G HIll