My Blogiversary

Posted on May 12, 2015 by

May marks the sixth year I have been blogging at Mama Sick. This year I am finding the challenges of mental illness difficult to deal with.

Due to being depressed, I have had long occasions in which I did not post on my blog. I lost a lot of readers and advertising. I am angry and frustrated with my illness and wonder what this blog could have been had I not become very sick.

When I felt healthy and balanced and even when I was hypomanic, I was full of ideas for blog posts. Now I struggle to publish once a week and the writing has become more difficult.

Still, I will continue along, hoping things will get better, because I do love my blog and spreading it’s message. I will continue writing about chronic illnesses, seeking to erase the stigma of mental illness and writing about what being a disabled mom is like.

It doesn’t take much when someone gets ill to lose everything. When I got sick I was making a good living. When I was no longer able to work, I was forced to spend my savings and max out my credit cards. I want people to know that this could happen to anyone, and if you have your health you should thank God for it.

I also want healthy people to know that just because you look well doesn’t mean you feel well.

I want to thank my devoted readers for sticking with Mama Sick and I hope you will like my
Face Book page and share my posts with others who may need it. And not just for those who have chronic illnesses, but for those who are healthy and have never had a life-threatening, chronic illness.

Here’s to a hopefully better year.

932_chocolate_cake

Share and Enjoy: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Facebook
  • TwitThis
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Trap, Neuter, Release!

Posted on May 6, 2015 by

I am very excited to tell you about a project Jacques and I have been doing. There are a number of stray cats in our neighborhood so we decided to do a Trap, Neuter, Release (TNR) program that’s been very effective. You can learn more about it at Alley Cat Allies but it’s pretty simple to do.

I bought a humane trap for cats off of ebay and we put food in it at night to attract the cat. We’re not always successful at trapping cats, last week we trapped a raccoon! When we get a cat we take it to the Cleveland Animal Protective League where they will spay or neuter, give a rabies vaccine and ear tip the cat for ten dollars. The ear tipping is to show people that these feral cats have already been spayed or neutered.

So far we have trapped eight cats, two who were pregnant and one female who was in heat. After we do the TNR we feed them with the idea that the cat will live out it’s life without reproducing. Some we never see again but some hang out on our porch and some are friendly. I wish I could take them all in but my place is just too small.

TNR has become the best solution for the feral cat colonies throughout the world. Simply taking them and putting them to death does not work because new cats then will join the colony.

I feel good that I am doing something to help my neighborhood cats, and like I said, it is very easy to do. If you have a colony of feral cats hanging around or that your are feeding you may want to try it!

This is Otto, coming out of the cage after his recovery from surgery.

This is Otto, coming out of the cage after his recovery from surgery.

Share and Enjoy: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Facebook
  • TwitThis
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Telling Tyler My Truth

Posted on April 27, 2015 by

I’ve hidden my mental illnesses from Tyler because he simply hasn’t been old enough to handle them. But yesterday when he teased me again about always wearing pajamas, I felt the time was right to tell him about my depression.

I described depression as feeling sad and that sometimes there wasn’t any reason why I felt sad, I just did. He said, “Just think happy thoughts”, and I told him that sometimes that didn’t work. I emphasized that my depression was not his fault and that he was not responsible for my happiness or my sadness.

After talking, Tyler asked if he could come and sit by me and hug me. We wrapped our arms around each other. “Let’s just stay like this”, he said. And we did for a long time.

I hope I did the right thing telling Tyler about my depression. I know it will be a long time before I tell him about my bipolar disorder and my mania.

And I pray he will never know the pain, sadness, and exhaustion of depression.

photo copy 41

Share and Enjoy: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Facebook
  • TwitThis
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

In a HEAP of Trouble

Posted on April 20, 2015 by

Last November I applied for Ohio’s HEAP (Home Energy Assistance Program). I called three weeks or so later to find out the status but was told it could take up to 12 weeks to hear back! That made it February. When I called them they told me they did not have an application for me, that I wasn’t in their system! All of the documents they called for that I worked so hard on getting were somehow lost…where? In their system? In the mail?

They suggested I make an in-person appointment as those applications are seen more quickly. I had my appointment with a counselor who said I probably had too much income to qualify. Tyler collects Social Security because of my disability and I said that his father took money from the account too, but she said it was based on income flowing in. She wanted to see what I paid for in insurance premiums for Tyler’s health and dental insurance. After hours spent on the phone trying to get from the insurance companies what I wanted, I went back with the information needed to complete my application.

I heard back quickly, I was not qualified because I made too much money. If you take out what I pay for in doctor’s visits and in medications I would have qualified but they don’t take out for that.

I was really upset. Jacques said I shouldn’t be upset because I never had the program in the first place, and he also said he would help out if needed and Grant wouldn’t let Tyler and I freeze.

The whole thing threw me for a loop depression-wise and I had a bad couple of days. Like so many people who get turned down for food stamps or SNAP (Supplementary Nutritional Assistant Program), I feel like I have fallen through the cracks. I worry the whole month until I get my disability money direct deposited on the 3rd of every month. I almost feel like it would be better to have a little less income in order to qualify for these types of programs.

Thankfully, there is not much cause for heat this time of the year.

I’ll try to save a little money by going to the food bank and for meals at various churches. Tyler gets free lunch from school so that does help out.

Have you ever felt like you have fallen through the cracks?

866671401_6850148b9b

Share and Enjoy: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Facebook
  • TwitThis
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Getting a Break and Other Stuff

Posted on April 13, 2015 by

I’m not sure if it’s the longer days, adding another medicine or making a change in my diet, but my depression is improving! The first day I felt better I cleaned my bathroom and I cleaned the cat box. I finally put away the clean laundry. I am showering and getting out more and I am sleeping less. My next goal is to clear the kitchen table so we can actually eat on it! I am still depressed, I wouldn’t call myself “normal” or as I like to call it balanced, but it a definite improvement!

********************************************************************************************************

Tyler is making his First Holy Communion in May and on Sunday it was “Jesus Day” from 9:30 to 2:00 where the kids attend a mass and then do an activity. Parents, relatives and Godparents are supposed to share by letters their First Communion memories, but all of my relatives are back east and Tyler doesn’t even remember them or his Godparents. Jacques is Catholic but he doesn’t remember his first communion, and the only thing I remember about it was loving my pretty white dress and excited to finally taste the communion wafers!

I had a hard time getting Tyler to go to Jesus Day. There are many things about the church that scare him including the big Jesus on the cross over the altar and the pictures in the stained glass windows. I tried to tell him that Jesus loves him and would never hurt him. I’m kind of out of ideas to relieve his anxiousness about the church and am open to suggestions!

********************************************************************************************************

One day a month Jacques and I eat a meal at our local Presbyterian church. We also eat a meal every Wednesday at the Methodist church to save us a little bit of money. I am always worried that we will never have enough. My SSDI/disability gets us by but we have little in the way of savings. At the Presbyterian church as I parked my car I saw a mother and her two children parking their bicycles. What did they do during the winter? Did they need to skip meals? I was struck by how grateful to God I was and how I take what I DO have for granted. I own my car and home and we never go hungry. I need to trust that when I need money I will have it.

Hope you all are as well as can be!

Emily

Share and Enjoy: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Facebook
  • TwitThis
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Isolation

Posted on April 7, 2015 by

I moved to Ohio almost two and a half years ago and have yet to find a girlfriend. I have Jacques to love and support me and even Grant but I miss getting together with my girlfriends. My three best friends are out of state. I consider the people I meet online friends, some of them I’ve talked to on the phone and even some who have lent me money, but I long for a friend whom I could go out and get coffee with. I’ve tried to make friends with some of Tyler’s friends’ mothers but that hasn’t seemed to work out, in fact they never ask us for a play date again and I blame myself that I’ve done or said something wrong

Of course a large part of this is due to being depressed and mentally ill. It’s hard to put myself out there. I have a perception of myself that people can tell I am mentally ill, that they can see it in my appearance or my clothes, and I am also ashamed and unconfident because of my weight.

If I were to find a friend, do I tell her about my mental illness? What do I tell her when she asks what do I do for work?

There is a part of me that says I don’t need any friends, that I should just concentrate on being the best mom I can be to Tyler and it doesn’t matter if I have girlfriends. That I should be more concerned about whether or not he has friends, that my good times are over.

It’s possible I can meet friends through my church but mentally I cannot get it together to go to church and I would suppose these women are regular church goers.

Do you find yourself isolated by your illness?

Do you have any ideas on how I could make friends?

Share and Enjoy: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Facebook
  • TwitThis
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

On Track?

Posted on April 2, 2015 by

This post is inspired by Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop.

Writer's Workshop

Prompt #3 Update your readers on your 2015 goals. How are things going? Are you staying on track or facing some challenges?

I wrote my New Year’s Resolutions on December 31st. Let’s see how I’m doing.

1. Exercise/Lose Weight: Unfortunately, not much happening here. I’ve been dieting by having smaller portions and cutting sugar from my diet but my weight seems to be unchanged. I haven’t been able to go to the gym. I think part of it is that I am embarrassed that I might be the heaviest person there. But the weather’s getting better and I think I am going to like walking. My son Tyler has low muscle tone and his therapist said walking will make him stronger, so it’s a nice thing we could do together. My boyfriend, Jacques, is also on board with walking.

2. Better Mental Health: I am finally getting a break in my long-term depression! Suddenly I’m caring about how the house looks, showering every day and opening my mail every day. (That’s a big deal for some mentally ill people.)

3. Declare Bankruptcy or Debt Consolidation: Grant and I saw a lawyer earlier this week about declaring bankruptcy. My husband, whom I am separated from, and I both suffered catastrophic illnesses a few years back. While awaiting our disability we were forced to live off our credit cards and blow through our savings. The lawyer told us that my 2010 car was still worth enough for creditors to take so he suggested waiting a year to declare bankruptcy, when my car will further depreciate. That’s another year of mail and daily calls from creditors I guess I will just have to deal with.

4. Get a Divorce or Dissolution: The lawyer recommended we stay married so we don’t pay double the bankruptcy fees so that’s something I can’t cross off this year. Luckily Grant and I are amicable so it’s not that much of a big deal.

So that’s how I’m doing, how are you doing with your New Year’s resolutions or goals?

Share and Enjoy: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Facebook
  • TwitThis
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 7 Comments

The Awful Truth

Posted on March 30, 2015 by

A couple of weeks ago eight and a half year old Tyler asked me if the Tooth Fairy was real. After much stalling and deliberation I decided to tell him the truth and he was okay with it. He didn’t ask me about the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus and I was relieved.

But this weekend he asked me if the Easter Bunny was real and I decided to tell him the truth. “You’re the Easter Bunny?!”, he asked incredulously. And then, “Is Santa Claus real?” and I told him that yes, Santa Claus was real. At first he said okay but then after a minute of deliberation he asked, “Is Santa Claus really real, mom?” I hesitated and he said, “If he’s not real, I’ll be okay with it”, shrugging his shoulders. I looked at him and it was like I flash-forwarded to him as a teenager. It was just the way he looked and the way he said it. He was so mature. I told him that Santa wasn’t real either. “You mean you’re Santa???!!!” At first he looked sad. I told him that Santa Claus was based on Saint Nicholas and that we could read about it if he was interested but he wasn’t.

Later he asked me, “Was Santa Claus alive when you were a kid, did you get presents from Santa?”, and I told him that Saint Nicholas lived hundreds of years ago.

I think I was more upset about telling him Santa and the Easter Bunny weren’t real than he was; that loss of innocence. Of course, now that he knows that I am the Easter Bunny he told me the toys and candy he wanted for Easter and it sounded like a Christmas list!

Most of the magic of Easter and Christmas is gone for Tyler now, never to be the same, but I’m glad he was grown up enough to take it alright.

Does your child still think the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus are real?

Easter_Bunny

Share and Enjoy: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Facebook
  • TwitThis
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Right Click Paste!

Posted on March 26, 2015 by

Writer's Workshop

Prompt: 2. Open a blank blog post and “right click paste” in the body of the post…what was pasted? Explain it.

Spoon Theory mentioned on MTV! http://www.mamasick.com/2015/03/the-spoon-theory-gets-a-mention-on-mtv/ … #SpooniesThankMTV

I am really happy that this was my last cut and paste because it gives me a chance to write about a subject that is meaningful to me and one that Mama Kat’s fans can learn about as well!

Earlier this week “The Spoon Theory” and Christine Miserandino were mentioned on MTV. Christine is the author of “The Spoon Theory and developed the website butyoudontlooksick.com This was BIG news!

As a person having invisible illnesses; diabetes, asthma and bipolar disease among them, the questions “But you don’t look sick?” or “How does it feel to be chronically ill?” came up often for me, even from some of my doctors until my diagnoses were made. I lost a lot of family and friends who just didn’t understand.

Then someone referred me to Christine’s website and her “Spoon Theory”. The theory is based on a true story developed by Christine when her best friend asked her what it was like to be sick. Basically it says that we all start our day with a certain number of spoons, but sick people use up their spoons more quickly than well people. For example, it might take a healthy person half a spoon to take a shower, but it may take a sick person three spoons. Many of us refer to ourselves as “Spoonies”.

“The Spoon Theory” has been read by thousands and seen throughout the world. The But You Don’t Look Sick’s ? Facebook page has over 130,000 likes on it.

If you know of someone with a chronic illness, or you have one, I encourage you to read “The Spoon Theory” and see Christine’s But You Don’t Look Sick’s website.

Personally “The Spoon Theory” helped saved my life and I owe Christine big time because of it! I’ve known her for over 14 years and I am pleased to say I knew her when she had a tiny blog with a little story!

Eat_For_England_Spoon_-_geograph.org.uk_-_711068

Share and Enjoy: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Facebook
  • TwitThis
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

The “Spoon Theory” Gets a Mention on MTV!

Posted on March 24, 2015 by

I’ve known Christine Miserandino via on line for over 10 years and her Spoon Theory and her But You Don’t Look Sick web site has helped save my life.

I’m celebrating today with Christine because her name and The Spoon Theory were mentioned on MTV news!

Special thanks also goes out to Deepa Lakshmin who wrote the story about people living with chronic illness.

Basically the Spoon Theory is a way to show healthy people what being sick is like. We are all given a certain number of “spoons” per day and while a healthy person may use 1 spoon to take a shower, it may take away three spoons from those suffering from chronic illness.

Christine and her Spoon Theory has grown so much that people identify themselves as “Spoonies” and I proudly count myself as being one of them.

Thanks again to MTV for spreading the word and congratulations to Christine!

800px-Small_silver_spoon

Share and Enjoy: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Facebook
  • TwitThis
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment