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Dear Tyler,

I am three days late in writing this and for that I do apologize. It’s been a year since I have been sick with nausea and a low grade fever and the doctors still don’t know what’s wrong with me. You have been absolutely great about it, letting Jacques take you to Tae Kwon Do, to school, swimming, etc. Even though it’s out of my hands I have enormous “Mom Guilt”, although I always make it for the big things in your life, no matter what.

Ten is such a big year! Double digits, a decade old! Where has the time gone? Every year, just like most mothers do, I look back on your birth day and remember what was happening at what time. It still seems like yesterday.

You had your school birthday party with cupcakes and candy and are looking forward to your birthday party with laser tag, pizza and cake. Your dad and I are hoping our money will stretch this month but we really wanted to give you a special party since this is such an important birthday.

You love watching videos on youtube. Your favorites are Five Nights at Freddy’s and Undertale. You love playing with the FINAF collectibles and you still love your Imaginext Batman playset.

This was also the year of “My Little Pony“, even though you are totally embarrassed about it! You and I watch it together and we collected some of the characters. Nobody but dad knows about your pony love and I like having something that only you and I do together. We also play this action figure game “Kracas” that you made up. We’ve been playing it for years and it’s just for you and me. I am amazed at your imagination and creativity!

You hate school. You do well in it but don’t have any friends in class this year. You have problems with people teasing you which makes my heart break. You punched a child last week and part of me was happy about it, even though you got punished in school. You are working on anger management, control and learning how to make friends in therapy.

This year you did develop two new really good friends. David, a boy in your grade, and Daphne, a neighbor in our complex. You pretty much play with Daphne every waking hour and it makes me happy to see that you are having fun with her.

After having some bad times with your OCD you are doing better and your anxiety is decreasing. But you do tell us that you have problems with your self-esteem and even though you look happy, you are sad most of the time. The therapist, your dad and I are trying to determine if you are depressed. I hate to see you hurting, Tyler, I wish I could transfer the pain to me.

Despite all of this, you are so courageous, compassionate and smart. You are the best thing that I have ever done with my life and I pray every night that God can give me the wisdom and health to be a better parent.

I hope your tenth year is a magical one for you, my amazing (not so) little boy!

Love,

Mom