They are my almost every free thought so I supposed I should write about them.

I’m 2/3’s of my credit card’s limit, plus lots of other bills.  There’s no way we could ever pay that credit card off.  We’re still taking from our dwindling savings but then what?  My 401K I suppose, not that there is a lot in that.  What then?

On October 1st I start private health insurance which is about 100 dollars more expensive than COBRA, plus pays only 50% of my drugs!  But with my health issues, I couldn’t make it on NJ Family Care.  The drug that I take for Lupus is an IV drug, thousands of dollars a month and comes out of major medical so I still won’t pay for that, at least.

During the last few years Grant and I combined have been averaging $15,000. a year out of pocket.  This is when we were working, when we both had “good” insurance from our jobs. When you have chronic illness, you still wind up paying a lot out of pocket.

I don’t have to be a mathematician to know we are spending way more than we have coming in.  I don’t know what I will do if I don’t get my disability, which is just about $20,000. a year. I fear that we will have to move in with my in-laws.

Don’t get me wrong, my in-laws are wonderful people and they have been very generous to us. But we would be five people and seven, yes SEVEN cats living in a three bedroom one bathroom home.

I rock my child to sleep every night and think Why does this have to be this way for us?  Why did I have to get so sick?  Why do I have to worry about money every single second and why must my son suffer the consequences?

About to hit bottom financially and I NEVER thought it would come to this.