Due to being depressed, I have had long occasions in which I did not post on my blog. I lost a lot of readers and advertising. I am angry and frustrated with my illness and wonder what this blog could have been had I not become very sick.

When I felt healthy and balanced and even when I was hypomanic, I was full of ideas for blog posts. Now I struggle to publish once a week and the writing has become more difficult.

Still, I will continue along, hoping things will get better, because I do love my blog and spreading it’s message. I will continue writing about chronic illnesses, seeking to erase the stigma of mental illness and writing about what being a disabled mom is like.

It doesn’t take much when someone gets ill to lose everything. When I got sick I was making a good living. When I was no longer able to work, I was forced to spend my savings and max out my credit cards. I want people to know that this could happen to anyone, and if you have your health you should thank God for it.

I also want healthy people to know that just because you look well doesn’t mean you feel well.

I want to thank my devoted readers for sticking with Mama Sick and I hope you will like my
Face Book page and share my posts with others who may need it. And not just for those who have chronic illnesses, but for those who are healthy and have never had a life-threatening, chronic illness.

Here’s to a hopefully better year.

The post My Blogiversary first appeared on Mama Sick.

Prompt: 2. Open a blank blog post and “right click paste” in the body of the post…what was pasted? Explain it.

Spoon Theory mentioned on MTV! http://www.mamasick.com/2015/03/the-spoon-theory-gets-a-mention-on-mtv/ … #SpooniesThankMTV

I am really happy that this was my last cut and paste because it gives me a chance to write about a subject that is meaningful to me and one that Mama Kat’s fans can learn about as well!

Earlier this week “The Spoon Theory” and Christine Miserandino were mentioned on MTV. Christine is the author of “The Spoon Theory and developed the website butyoudontlooksick.com This was BIG news!

As a person having invisible illnesses; diabetes, asthma and bipolar disease among them, the questions “But you don’t look sick?” or “How does it feel to be chronically ill?” came up often for me, even from some of my doctors until my diagnoses were made. I lost a lot of family and friends who just didn’t understand.

Then someone referred me to Christine’s website and her “Spoon Theory”. The theory is based on a true story developed by Christine when her best friend asked her what it was like to be sick. Basically it says that we all start our day with a certain number of spoons, but sick people use up their spoons more quickly than well people. For example, it might take a healthy person half a spoon to take a shower, but it may take a sick person three spoons. Many of us refer to ourselves as “Spoonies”.

“The Spoon Theory” has been read by thousands and seen throughout the world. The But You Don’t Look Sick’s ? Facebook page has over 130,000 likes on it.

If you know of someone with a chronic illness, or you have one, I encourage you to read “The Spoon Theory” and see Christine’s But You Don’t Look Sick’s website.

Personally “The Spoon Theory” helped saved my life and I owe Christine big time because of it! I’ve known her for over 14 years and I am pleased to say I knew her when she had a tiny blog with a little story!

The post Right Click Paste! first appeared on Mama Sick.

I see the Infectious Disease Specialist, who hopefully will determine if I have Lyme Disease. This is my third try for a definitive answer.

On Thursday I see my new gynecologist. I have been having heavy, painful periods, plus it has been a long time since I have had an examination.

I also pick up the materials for my sleep study Thursday night. I am excited to get the results of that because I feel that I have indeed been having sleep disturbances and that’s been a good part of what’s making me so exhausted.

I have been having blood in my urine every time my urine is cultured and a few weeks ago I had my urologist appointment. My cat scan of my ureters, urethra and bladder looked good.

On Monday I am going to have a Cystoscopy which will examine my bladder.

I think I am most worried about this procedure. I’ve never had it done before and if the news isn’t good I’m afraid to know about it.

I have a follow-up with my pulmonologist on the 30th to discuss the results of the sleep test.

Lastly, I see my Psychiatrist on the 31st. She’s been on medical leave. All of this medical upheaval has caused my depression to increase.

The post The Wait is Over first appeared on Mama Sick.

Instead of coming for Christmas this year, my mother came early because of the overlap of Christmas and Hanukkah. (Long story for another post) It worked out because I really needed help getting things together and keeping things together.  On Saturday by the time we got Tyler’s haircut (always stressful for him and then for me), me having to lift him onto the barber chair, struggling with the cold and winter clothes with the car seat, and then went to lunch, my body aches and exhaustion were telling me I was done for the day.  I am really a one event a day person, if that.

I was very upset, but Grant told me he and Tyler would get the tree, that I shouldn’t worry.  It was a father and son outing and the two were like superheroes, back in a flash with the tree. Tyler had picked it, Grant said.  It was very different from the trees that we usually have, tall and not as full, but beautiful.  It turned out to be the perfect tree because it was easy for me to put up the lights, since it didn’t require as many as a fuller tree would.

Tyler decorates the Christmas tree. Yeah, he's got no pants on. That's how the men in my home roll.

Mom decorating the tree, singing Christmas carols. It doesn't get much cheesier, does it?

I was too exhausted to decorate the tree this year, but it didn’t matter, the tree was up, for my son.

My contribution, putting up the angel. Tyler was too scared to be lifted up to do it!

The finished product.

For a close-up of some of my favorite ornaments, check out this post.

So, one big Christmas stress is over and done with!  The next one?  Hoping Tyler’s presents that we have ordered online show up in time!  Will Tyler need an I.O.U. from Santa??

The post O Christmas Tree: A Family Affair first appeared on Mama Sick.

When women have chronic illnesses, it often is very much out of our control what we weigh. Medications, our diseases, and not being able to exercise because of the pain and energy zapping we feel, all contribute to how much we weigh.

Now I am going to talk numbers, for me personally.  I am 5 feet 6 inches tall.  You may be envious of my current weight but the fact is that I am not happy about it.  Everything is relative, you know?  I weigh the most I have ever weighed, except for being pregnant, 157 pounds. Now, I know that some of it is swelling, but who knows how much weight that is, a couple of pounds? Less?  No one can answer that for me!  I seem to wear it well, and am currently wearing sizes 8s, 10s and 12s.  Sizes are crazy aren’t they?  How can I still wear my size 8s?  Why are some size 10s swimming on me?  I have what I would describe as a Rubenesque figure.  Only we don’t live in the 1600s:-(

For many years I was a solid size 10 with my weight being around 145 pounds, give or take. I got comfortable in my size 10 clothes, I accepted “size 10 me”, finally.  Some people would even praise the fact that my weight never wavered.

Then I had Tyler.  My pre-pregnancy weight was 146 pounds and I gained just 23 pounds as I had Gestational Diabetes and had to be careful.  When I came home from the hospital, my stomach had already shrunk considerably and I had already lost 13 pounds, which really is like the baby and the crap that you carry with the baby.

In one month or less I was down to my pre-pregnancy weight.  And then I just kept going.  I was not on a diet, I was not doing anything.  I had a stomach virus on top of that and so when Tyler was seven months old I weighed a horrendous 117 pounds!  I looked like a heroin chic model.  People at my new job were telling me, “YOU just had a baby?  You look amazing!”

But I hated myself.  This wasn’t ME.  I had gone from years of being a size 10 to a size 4! I would look at myself in the mirror and cry.  I was in shock over my skeletal frame.  While people were praising me for my weight loss and amazing will power, my doctors were flummoxed. My endocrinologist was telling me I was just plain crazy. He said it in a bit nicer way, he said I had post-partum issues and should be seeing a Psychiatrist and therapist, but I already was, the big dummy.  Is it even necessary to say I fired him?  I was being tested for every cancer there was since unexplained weight loss is a major symptom of cancer.  No cancer, thankfully.

I used to test the power of eating anything and everything I wanted.  I used to have half a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, sometimes more, every night.  After the stomach virus and a return to a desk job I did stabilize into a comfortable size six.  I started to like being a size six, and who wouldn’t?  Being able to wear trendy or classic office clothes without looking like I was trying to stretch them just to fit into them.  I was always the kind of woman who made it a habit to go the next size up, rather than attempt to fit into the size they weren’t any more.  It was more flattering.

I realize now that Lupus was starting.  It had taken over my metabolism, my endocrine system. Lupus wanted me thin and so I was.  I was finally that willowy amazon that I had thought could only be found in my dreams.  The only thing that I didn’t have was I have always wished I was shorter. Oh, they have such cute things for petite women, don’t they? Well, that probably IS going to happen too since I have Osteoporosis and have already shrunk a few inches.  Be careful what you wish for, right?

Enough with the past, let’s get to how I ended up being 160 pounds.  My meds for my mental illnesses, and my mental illnesses themselves, make me want to eat.  My pain makes me want to eat. Sometimes it is so bad, I don’t want to feel it any more, I want to feel an Oreo cookie, you know? Someone told me that eating releases the same pleasurable endorphins as narcotics or exercise or being happy.  For me the only thing that works is the food as I cannot exercise, I do not get high from my drugs and happiness around here is short lived.  I only have the Oreos!

I also have this weird feeling that I cannot nap or sleep unless I feel full.  The food helps make me sleepy and it is easier to get to sleep.  Or then I have insomnia and I get hungry, being up for two to three hours in the middle of the night, who wouldn’t?

But what really convinced me that I had to do something was the amazing Christine Miserandino, The Spoon Lady, of the amazing But You Don’t Look Sick blog.  I saw pictures of her recently and she is already so beautiful but now she has lost the weight she was lamenting about and she looks fabulous!

I don’t know how Christine did it, but I have decided to go on the ShutMyMouth Diet.  I have decided that I am stronger than Lupus, Depression, or my meds and I DO have control over how much I weigh.  I will not let them have their “weigh” with me any longer.

So far I have lost a pound on the ShutMyMouth Diet but more so, I feel like I am once again the Master of my body, the Queen of my Temple, or whatever you would like to call it.  I am not advocating that YOU should go on the ShutMyMouth Diet, you should consult your doctor before beginning any diet, but for me, what harm could the ShutMyMouth Diet really do?

My goal is to lose a reasonable 20 pounds in how ever long it takes, as I will be eating my usual meals and a treat when I want it, as long as it is within reason.  Maybe I am on to something with this new ShutMyMouth Diet?

The post The ShutMyMouth Diet first appeared on Mama Sick.