When I saw my Rheumatologist yesterday I told him about what had happened to me in the Social Security Reconsideration process.  He was very frustrated for me and for all the hard work that I had put into the application.  I know he meant well when he starting off with “The Everything Happens For a Reason” speech.  He said think about when things will get better and what you will have learned from this.  And that the more people the system fails, the more people in this country, sick or not, will realize that this part of our healthcare system, which we all pay for out of our paychecks, is really fucked up.  And that I can be one of those people advocating for change and people can learn from me.

It seems like most doctors are only aware of you when you are right in front of them.  Patients rest in a box until you take them out again and life doesn’t happen for them and they always seem to look the same, more or less.

In the over three years since my husband and I have embarked on this great “learning experience”, we have both gotten sicker, have both become too sick to work and have watched out dreams for our family go down the drain along with most of our finances.

Most people have no idea how long it takes to get disability, about two years on average from start to finish.  In the meantime, do even doctors think about how their patients are surviving?  How about the people who are in charge of making the decision on your case?

I don’t know if all of this fits nicely into the “Everything Happens For a Reason” cliche. And I am really tired of wondering what I will get out of this “Learning Experience”, which is starting to drag on like a four year bachelor’s degree in the wrong major.