Last Thursday night my cat, Betty, walked out the door and never came back. Ordinarily she stays indoors during the winter but it was a bit warmer. I saw her last Saturday across the road by my neighbor’s shed. Since then, though, there has been nothing but bitter cold and sub-zero wind chills and snow. My other cat, Max, has come and gone and the cats that I take care of outside have shown up for food but no Betty.

I think I have given up hope, in fact, I don’t even want to think about her wandering around in this weather.

Betty showed up at my house as a kitten and she was feral when I took her in last winter. Slowly she warmed up to us and we were at the point where she would lay in the crook of my arm while I pet her. I lie on the couch a lot because of my depression and she would lie right next to me. Max is a great cat but he is not affectionate the way Betty was.

She also loved the toys that I had for her. I bought her a new one for Christmas and I loved watching her play. Max is not really in to the toys so they just sit here like a horrible reminder.

I am just sick thinking she froze to death out there. I drove around the neighborhood looking to see if she had been hit by a car but I didn’t see anything.

I have to tell Tyler that I don’t believe Betty is ever going to come home, I hate to break his heart. It took Betty the longest to warm up to him because he is so lively but we had finally gotten to the point where she would let him pet her.

I don’t think I’m going to get another cat, even though I think Max is confused and lonely. Vet care is so expensive, I can’t really afford him, especially when he gets older and starts to develop senior health problems. He will be two in May and Betty would have been two around July.

I thought I would have her for a long and happy time.

This isn’t doing much for my depression. I see my psychiatrist this coming week. I haven’t made it to the gym yet but today I am going to call the Y and ask for an orientation on how to work their equipment and I will wear my work-out clothes.

Baby steps.