I got back from Disney World on April 17th and was so excited to tell you about the wonderful time we had there! I was psyched to put up our pictures and to offer my tips for chronically ill moms thinking about a trip to The Happiest Place on Earth!

I hope you’ll enjoy this essay. Maybe you’ll laugh, maybe you will cry and maybe you will identify with it!

Bedridden: Day 10

Bit of a mishap today when I decided taking a bath would be easier and more relaxing than a shower. The thoughtful boyfriend sanitized the tub especially for me.

It was my first time taking a bath in my somewhat still new home. The tub had always looked small to me. It sure as Hell wouldn’t fit the six foot tall boyfriend but my seven year old seemed to manage pretty well.

I attempted to stretch out my five foot 6 inch tall self into the tantalizing hot water when I realized I appeared to be about a foot too tall for the tub. I tried to sit up but found that due to the pain and weakness from my illness, I couldn’t make it. I sat moaning for a few minutes, in a sort of twisted sculpture kind of way, and then I yelled for the boyfriend. After some effort he was able to pull me up to a sitting position. At least now he wouldn’t have to shampoo and condition my hair, it was all at my fingertips.

This worked well until the hot water ran out. I had neglected to remember that the boyfriend had taken a shower right before me. I again screamed for him. I still had conditioner in my hair but I’d be damned to Hades before I would rinse my hair off with that icicle making machine.

We decided to call my hair a loss and end this miserable experience. The boyfriend offered his assistance to help me out of the tub, but by now I was so weak and exhausted I couldn’t get up.

After 10 minutes of pondering over the situation, my boyfriend threw a few towels and a bathrobe into the tub to keep me from getting cold. We considered bringing my iPad in so I could watch movies.

After 20 minutes all that flashed through my head were the firemen staring at my naked and shriveled body, shaking their heads and thinking, “Just another fat woman stuck in a tub.”

At 30 minutes I decided I needed a quick boost of energy to power me onto the bathroom floor. I had the boyfriend bring me my son’s Easter basket. Although I had already eaten most of the candy, there were still some yucky tasting jelly beans that no one had wanted. I stuffed about 20 of those babies into my mouth at once. Be it the sugar rush or the placebo effect, I was soon able to get out of the tub.

Now I’m on the couch with the towels and robe still draped around me as I try to figure out how I’m going to put my pajamas on.