What we have worried about for so many months has finally happened.  Grant and I s’ three largest credit cards are all maxed out, leaving us with department store cards and some smaller cards they give to people with bad credit.  Some credit cards, seeing our pattern, have shut their cards off to us, others have lowered their credit, thus causing us to max out sooner.

The thing is, this debt is not due to excessive spending.  It’s due to being sick and out of work for so long.  We have gone through nearly all of our once considerable savings, money in the bank, both our 401Ks, and the worst, Tyler’s college fund. The disability process is taking so long, we are just wiped out.  We are using the credit cards just to live; for medical expenses, clothes for Tyler and even things like toilet paper or paper towels.

Grant and I most likely will apply for bankruptcy in the next few months.  As a person who once held a credit rating of 870, this has been very difficult for me to live with.

But it’s not just the credit cards I have maxed out on, I feel maxed out on life.  Taxes are due in nearly a month, I am in the middle of writing a hardship letter to Social Security and my Congressman and Senators, in an effort to get a disability hearing sooner.  I’m applying for low income housing, and just yesterday I got a letter from Food Stamps saying I am due for a recertification, and all the document gathering that goes along with that.

There’s neverending bills to pay, laundry to do, dinners to make.

I am maxed out on life.  I’m just too sick mentally and physically to take a whole day to put my nose to the grindstone and get it all done.  Instead, as many sick people do, I must take it in small doses, allowing time for more sleep and rest than most people need.

I complete one thing and then another huge project comes along.  I just wonder if I, we, our family, will ever get out from under.