What Am I Fighting For?

Welcome to all who are seeing this blog for the first time coming over from the Invisible Illness Awareness Week website! My blog seeks to let sick moms know that they are not alone, as well as educate healthy people about those of us with chronic, invisible illnesses.

The topic this year is “What is your invisible fight?”

I suffer from a number of chronic illnesses, but of late my toughest battle has been against bipolar disorder.

There have been some times in my life that I have indeed wondered what am I fighting for, the lowest point being my suicide attempt in 2012, when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. At the time I was convinced that due to my illnesses I was of no value to my son and that he was better off without me, that he would do better and have more opportunities with another mother.

I am currently experiencing a long state of bipolar depression although nowhere near as bad as when I attempted suicide. I am fighting for my son and I realize now that although I am sick, my son is a gift from God and I was meant to be his mother. I try every day to be the best parent I can be to him.

I fight against my disease by being in therapy and taking a lot of medication, mood stabilizers and medication for depression. It’s a lot of pills every day and there are a lot of side effects which include weight gain, drowsiness and loss of sexual desire. Some people decide that the side effects are not worth it and they choose not to take the medicine, but I know that I need to be on them, if only for my son.

I battle bipolar disease everyday, but I must, because my son needs his mother.

What is your invisible fight?

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About mamasick

Emily Cullen is a pen-name. I suffer from chronic illnesses and diseases which include Bipolar Disorder, Asthma, Diabetes and Fibromyalgia. I had battled Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis but there is no longer evidence of me having these diseases and my Rheumatologist has declared them to be "burnt out" of my system. I am separated from my husband, “Grant”. Our son, “Tyler” was born in September of 2006 and suffers from tics and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and is delayed in fine and gross motor skills. In my blog I seek to let sick moms know that they are not the only ones going through this, and to educate people about what can happens when one becomes catastrophically ill. I also strive to break down stereotypes of what a “Welfare Mom” is like. Anything that I have gone through due to being sick, is written on the pages of Mama Sick.

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