I go for my gym orientation this Monday. After that there will be no more excuses not to work out. But depression is like a voice in my head telling me, “No! I don’t want you to go there! I want you to stay on the couch, not shower and stay in pajamas!” Then there is the, right now, weaker voice telling me “But you have to exercise to get healthy. It will be good for your diabetes and you need to lose weight. It will even help your depression.”

I changed depression medications about a week ago because the one I was on just wasn’t doing the trick. My one medication was replaced by two. I hope and pray it can bring me up to a balance between depression and mania.

My plan, should I be successful, is to just work out once this week, with the goal of going to the gym three times a week, but in my current state my depression brain is telling me how inconvenient it will be for it. Having to shave in the winter, getting out in the cold more than necessary, maybe an extra shower a day when taking one is hard enough, just getting moving.

I know if I can get into the gym a few times I will get into the habit, but it is just such an uphill climb.

Depression for me is like having a little devil on one shoulder wanting to keep me unproductive. And then there is the angel with the smaller voice on the other shoulder telling me that I should get moving, take a shower, and dress.

This is how I would describe depression to someone who has never felt it before, or at least for the long term.

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