Inspired by Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop.

Prompt 3.)  Describe a time when you felt left out.

When you suffer from chronic illness and pain, there are a lot of celebrations that either you can no longer attend, or, if you force yourself to, you will regret it, be miserable at the event, and maybe need up to a few days to recover to where you were before, which for me is “my usual level of crap”.

I am not left out by my family and friends who have chosen to believe that my illnesses are real and serious.  I am still invited to baby showers, weddings or birthday parties, but I choose to leave myself out because I just don’t feel well enough to attend.

A friend whom I have known since high school is having a 40th birthday party in a couple of weeks, starting at 6:30 at night.  A very reasonable hour, but if I don’t get a good nap, which is often the case, I usually go to bed between 8 and 9:00.  Going to the party would mean having to shower, dress up, do my hair and make-up, and accessorize. I would be exhausted before I even got there!

Do I have to do those things?  I guess I don’t and people would understand, but I would feel like a total schlub.  People who know me would know why I might look like that but the rest might think, “Emily used to be so attractive, what happened to her?”  Perhaps instead of a name-tag I could wear a tag saying, “I look like crap because I have Lupus, Chronic Fatigue…”, the name tag would take up a large part of my chest.

And so I mostly say no to invites.  I would just rather be home and comfortable rather than suffer the consequences.  The only things I do try to do is to take my son to birthday parties, play dates, a museum or zoo; or, once a summer, a trip to the beach or an amusement park. Those trips devastate me but I want my son to have some sort of a normal life.

If you are a person with chronic illness, you are nodding that you understand and probably are turning down a lot of invites yourself.

If you are a person who knows someone with chronic illness, I would ask that you do keep inviting them to your events.  Even though we might say no, being asked does make us feel like we are still in the loop of life.  Please don’t be angry if we have said yes and need to cancel at the last minute. And who knows, we might surprise you and actually show up!

RSVP by Wedding Paper Divas.