Tuesdays With Tyler: How Could I Forget?

Last week as part of the ChronicBabe blog carnival I was asked to write about Gratitude. I decided to write about the people in my life whom I was grateful for, but after I sent it over to them, I realized I had forgotten the most important person in the world to me, Tyler!

I am grateful to God first, that despite being sick I was able to become pregnant and have my baby. God gave me such a special little boy. Before Tyler, I never knew that it was possible to love someone so much. To actually be “in love” with a child.

I don’t know where I would be without Tyler. Times are so tough for us right now, what if there was no Tyler, would I still want to be on this earth?

Tyler is the reason that keeps me going; keeps me moving despite the pain and depression I have. I know Tyler needs me. I know he would not be better off without me. As hard as it is, as poor as we are, I am Tyler’s Mommy and I don’t believe he would have it any other way.

Despite the usual temper tantrums that every kid has, he is simply a wonderful person. People have told me that about him. That he is special, that he is very smart, so it’s not just me bragging!

I love looking at life from his eyes. My childhood was a happy one and when I read him Curious George or any of Richard Scarry’s Busy Town books, when I watch It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, or take him to a carnival, I am reliving my childhood.

I (mostly) adore everything that comes out of his mouth, I love his humor, his creativity and how he loves to sing.

When I am depressed he is the reason I get out of bed, and it makes me feel better being around him. Even though it’s hard to accomplish things when he’s around, I miss him when he is not. He brings joy and love into my darkness.

I have a beautiful bracelet with Tyler’s name, and a hand stamped necklace with his name, his birth stones and the moon and starts, as he was fascinated with them when he was little. I also have a locket.

Every day when I go out, I wear one of those things, and no matter how sick I feel I think, “Do it for Tyler”. Every day I live is for Tyler.

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About mamasick

Emily Cullen is a pen-name. I suffer from chronic illnesses and diseases which include Bipolar Disorder, Asthma, Diabetes and Fibromyalgia. I had battled Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis but there is no longer evidence of me having these diseases and my Rheumatologist has declared them to be "burnt out" of my system. I am separated from my husband, “Grant”. Our son, “Tyler” was born in September of 2006 and suffers from tics and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and is delayed in fine and gross motor skills. In my blog I seek to let sick moms know that they are not the only ones going through this, and to educate people about what can happens when one becomes catastrophically ill. I also strive to break down stereotypes of what a “Welfare Mom” is like. Anything that I have gone through due to being sick, is written on the pages of Mama Sick.

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