It makes me feel so guilty to say this but whenever I know we will have a long weekend with Tyler being home, I get anxious about how I will handle him and how I will feel doing it.  I love being with my son but my body just does not want to cooperate.  Laying down during the middle of the day is a must for me and I do get some energy back doing it but there are just some days next week where that will just not be possible.  Like Thanksgiving Day, for example!

On Tuesday morning I have a WIC appointment that Tyler has to come to.  I will then bring him to daycare.  But in the afternoon I have a follow-up appointment with my endocrinologist. I’m stressed out.  I know it sounds crazy, but will I be able to have a nap before Tyler comes home?  And then on Wednesday, his daycare closes at 3:30 and then we have the long weekend.  Tyler is so active and rarely naps at home.  How will I keep up?

Grant’s Crohn’s Disease is still flaring.  I feel badly to ask him to do more than he can even if I am exhausted.  I get so frustrated.  I want to be able to take Tyler out to the park if the warm weather continues, but my body just balks.  I want to have the energy I used to have when he was a baby and I spent endless hours playing with him.  Tired yes, but about the same amount of tired as any normal, sleep-deprived mom.  I miss the joy I used to have at the aspect of a long weekend to be with him.  Now I am just scared.

But I also realize I have to stop looking at next week as one big long day and take each day as it comes.  And I also have to remember that despite how I view my shortcomings as a mom, Tyler somehow still thinks I am the greatest mom in the world and that even though he has a lot more activity at daycare, all he really wants to do is be with me, no matter what we do or don’t do.